You’re fake. That’s right, I said it. You’re fake. Now, you may be wondering what I mean by this. You may be asking yourself, “Well, how am I fake?”. The truth is, it’s really shown in society. The main issue at hand here are individuals letting their fake identity overrule their true identity. The amount of fake identity present is directly proportional to the deterioration of one’s mental health. How will this be fixed? Well, there are two different approaches. Legal scholar Kenji Yoshino proposes a “new civil rights paradigm on what draws us together rather than what drives us apart” (540). Psychiatrist Anne Hallward encourages coming clean with shame stories. By building a new civil rights paradigm, the assumption of covering would increase. This may lead to inadvertently perpetuating stereotypes, causing them to never disappear. If individuals confess on their own terms, inspiration may activate more positive social change.
Hi Alfred,
Great job on your introduction!! Your hook was very captivating, it really drew me in. It gives people a shock like, “wow I want to keep reading this, what is he going to say about me being fake?” I like your transitions from the hook to the main concept. It flowed very nicely and was easy for the reading to. understand what you are going to talk about.
As for your thesis, it was very well executed. Your quotes from Yoshino and Hallward gives the reader enough evidence as to what your paper is going to be about. I liked how you brought the two concepts together to create one thesis. Amazing Job!!
” By building a new civil rights paradigm, the assumption of covering would increase. This may lead to inadvertently perpetuating stereotypes, causing them to never disappear. If individuals confess on their own terms, inspiration may activate more positive social change.”
This is a beautiful example of ‘thesis in 3 parts’–one needs all of these sentences to truly see where this paper is going and what it is fighting for.
AS A CHALLENGE: How can you marry these sentiments into ONE thesis statement?
Maybe clarify what individuals are “confessing” to–?
Or even hint at what TYPE of social change you are insinuating…Might the prompt language help ?